To the tens of thousands in attendance, and the millions watching at home...

... Fighting out of the blue corner, weighing in at a sturdy 57 pounds, with the teal and purple jowls. Holding a professional record of 3 wins and no losses. Hailing from New York City, New York...

Frank 'On Leash Walks Only' Bullsworth

And now his opponent,

Fighting out of the red corner, weighing in at a slim two and a half tons, using a basketball hoop as a mouth guard. With a professional record of 8 wins 2 losses. Hailing from The Atlantic Ocean...

Pointy 'Steven Spielberg Ruined my Chances of a Mainstream Acting Career' McSharptooth

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages...

Lets get ready to be bewildered!